Alicia
March 26th 2011
Travelling
I love travelling.
You never get bored
And eating is lotsa fun,
On the bumpy road.
In our sun-kissed RV, you can’t get enough!
My big shades hide me from the hot rays,
And I drink the wind leaking from the open window.
I hate travelling.
It’s so boring.
You can’t eat
because of the rocky bumps.
Looking out of the rain soaked van window
Disappointment hides the twinkle in my eyes
And I drink the tasteless bottled water.
1 commentaires:
Alicia,
Nice first draft of the parallel stanzas. This one reminds me of the angry girl, happy girl one we read in class.
For your next draft, I would like you to try to add a little more to this one. You have some greta visual images in this one. Keep building on that. I also like the way you used a few of the same terms (like drinking in the last line) to compare what it is like in the two situations.
Take a sheet of scrap paper and make a list of all the things you experience when you travel (using the 5 senses) and then apply some of these to your poem. Let me know if you need a hand getting started.
Publier un commentaire